Sometimes I get so mad at motherhood, not because I hate being a mother. Because I don’t, I love being a mother. My daughter watches my every move, copies me and wants to be me. Even at three years old, I am her hero. Mommy is her “best fwend”. But that, exactly, is why I hate motherhood at times.
I can’t mess up, I can’t make mistakes and I can’t do the easy road. Sometimes I look at my life and get so frustrated and annoyed because of how hard I’ve had to work and how far I haven’t come. Then I watch my daughter sleep with her mr.lion and snoopy, and realize how much stronger she is than I am.
Have you ever noticed how much a child goes through? You can spank their butts, punish them, take toys away and sit them in the corner.. and guess who forgives you ten minutes later? That same child. That, forgiveness, is real strength.
I was in the store the other day just looking around, my daughter was in school so I needed to get out of the house. I overhear this woman saying “you’re being so damn stupid. Just shut up.” And “if you don’t shut up I’m going to beat your ass”. I wasn’t sure if she was on the phone or who she was talking to, she comes around the corner to where I was and there is this little boy, no older than five or six, with her. The look in this little boys face was pure sadness, I was appalled. How could anyone talk to a child in such a manner? To demean your own child to the point that they look defeated by life, at such a young age! As I was leaving the store, this same mother and her son also happened to be leaving as well and he looked up at her with a new toy car in his hands and said “thank you mommy. I love you so.”
Now that is real love. That little boy will probably grow up to have such low self-esteem and not believe in anyone or anything.. but in that very moment that little boy didn’t care, he knew his mother loved him. He knew that he was cared for and that no matter what, his mother would make him feel better.
I don’t understand how children can so easily forget, or how children can so easily bounce back from almost anything. Maybe its because they still have their innocence and haven’t faced any and every adversity that life could throw at them. But that’s what makes children so amazing. They see everything with innocent eyes, and accept everything with an open heart.
I admire my daughter, and every child as a matter of fact, because they can forgive, love, accept and cherish even the smallest parts of life. Like a small toy car, or a “good job” from mommy or daddy. When children grow up, a lot of them turn into cynical and fearing people. Why can’t we grow up to be just like children? Why can’t we grow up and still continue to love, accept and cherish every aspect of our lives? I know I wish I could go back in time and tell myself this as a kid, life is hard; but its worth it. Don’t grow up too fast, and never stop loving and growing as an accepting person.. I don’t know about you..
But when I grow up, I want to be just like my daughter.
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