Take care of yourself, first.

I am not that mother that will rave about how much she loves motherhood. Because frankly, I don’t love it.
I don’t love early mornings, messy house, fighting for four hours to clean a room, temper tantrums or a sick kid. That not something I decides I ever wanted to do.
My daughter is my life, my whole world. And she knows it. Why?
Because a couple years ago a woman taught me that in order to meet her needs, I HAD to meet mine first.
I don’t wake up to serve. I don’t wake up to meet her every last demand. I’m not, and probably never will be THAT mother.
I take long hot showers, long hot baths, I do not share my food, I do not share my personal bubble very often and I enjoy peeing in privacy. I make sure that being a mother means exactly that, I’m a mother. That still means I’m human. I still have emotions, wants, needs. I make mistakes, I stumble trip and fall. But that’s what makes me a mother.
I am a mother, not a machine. And I’ll never pretend to be.

My daughter knows very well how much I love her. I tell her and show her daily. And I also take care of myself. I may have slipped on physical appearances for awhile, but I’m slowly getting back to caring about that again. Because although I want her to learn that appearances are not the center of the universe, they are important. Important is so many ways, the #1way to show you care about yourself.
I know my daughter knows how much I love her, even with all the sacrifices I chose not to make. I’m not sacrificing my personal hygiene, my nutrition, the love for myself or how I deal with everyday problems just because I became a mother. Just because I am a mother does not mean I do not matter.
It just means I share my love and heart with a little person I helped create. It just means that I am responsible for teaching her valuable life lessons.

And #1?

Take care of yourself first.

i cant save everyone.

but what if? What if I could save everyone? Would everyone be better off with me saving them? I can barely get myself out of bed in the mornings, I can barely keep myself going. But I am the “saver”, I’m the one who everyone comes to when they need a hand up, a confidence boost, a little pat on the back. I give that to them, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I can barely give myself a reason to get out of bed but for some reason everyone comes to me when something in their life is going wrong. Why? Because I let them. I let them feed off my energy. I let them do whatever they want. I’m a door mat. I am going against my heart and doing something I don’t want to; to keep others happy.

I’m that door mat. The punching bag. That fence post. I’m the one everyone relies on to do the right things in life. Usually at the expense of my own happiness, and I’m tired. But I’m saving them all.

why? Because that’s who I am. I’m the saver, the fixer.

I’ll be unhappy so other people can be happy. I can be unselfish, just so other people will feel like they aren’t. That’s fine.

Because that’s who I am. I’m the saver, I’m the fixer.