i have learned..

I have learned, that no matter how much you stress or cry about a problem it won’t change it’s outcome.. Or change how fast it is solved. You’re slowly making yourself sick, it’s not healthy.

-I wish I would have known this sooner, because maybe if I would have known this sooner, maybe I wouldn’t worry about every little thing in my life.

I have learned, that no matter how much fight, blood, tears, and love you put into someone if they don’t want to change, or to make something work.. It’s not going to happen.

-I wish I would have known this sooner, because if I had.. I would have saved myself a lot of heartbreak and pain. And maybe, I would have a lot more fight left in me. But, at the same time everything has made me who i am today.. So I’m not too sure about this one.

I have learned, that just because I am manic depressive it doesn’t make me a bad mother, friend, fiance, sister or whatever else I may be. It makes me normal, a normal person with a condition that I cannot control. Just because I say that I can control it, doesn’t mean I always can. That’s like saying the weather man can control the rain when he says it’s going to be all sun. It’s just not going to happen.

-I wish I would have known this sooner, because maybe if I had known this sooner.. I wouldn’t have always blamed myself for friendships ending, relationships, what have you.. I would feel like I am an adequate mother to my daughter on a daily basis, and I would feel like I was a good friend and fiance on a daily basis. Only if I would have learned this sooner…

I have learned, that no matter how long you think a friendship will last- it probably won’t. That sometimes people grow up, have different views, goals and things going on in their lives. That sometimes, friends are not as important as the other things in your life.

-I wish I would have learned this sooner, because maybe if I had then I wouldn’t have blamed myself for doing something wrong. Was I too unemotional, too picky, too needy, too whatever it was at that time.. I wasn’t. People just, well, grow up. But, if they are really true friends- later on in life they will resurface in your lives out of no where.. And it may not be like it use to because you are all grown up now.. But, sometimes, it’s even better.

I have learned, that no matter what plans you have in life or for your life.. Life does not give a crap about your plans. It has it’s own plans for you and for your life. That just because you didn’t want this to happen right now, Life did.

-I wish I would have learned this sooner, because maybe I would have saved a lot of time planning and less time being disappointed in myself. It’s nothing that I have done wrong, it’s just life had a whole different plan for my life than I did, and that’s okay.

I have learned, that when people call me anorexic, bulimic, ugly, stuck up or any other name.. It doesn’t have to hurt my feelings. I can just let it slide off my back, and realize that whatever someone else thinks about me is none of my business..

-I wish I would have learned this earlier, only because maybe I would have better self esteem in myself.. Maybe I wouldn’t have tried so hard to be perfect for every person in my life, except for myself. I never tried to be perfect for myself because i know imperfections are beautiful- but apparently not everyone else thinks so. I have also learned, that what other people hate about someone else, is exactly what they hate about themselves.

I have learned, that no matter how much faith, love or compassion you have for someone or something, if they/it doesn’t matter to/in your life.. It is a waste of your faith, love and compassion.

-If I would have known this sooner, I would have enough faith, love and compassion for myself. But instead, I’ve wasted it all on other people to disappoint me.. To hurt me, to betray me.